Hilda

My grandma, Hilda; the matriarch of my family; died this morning at 93 years of age. She lived an epic life. Despite my living most of my life in Alaska and her being in the South, we were close. Her maiden name is my first. She outlived the younger of her older brothers, losing him to pneumonia prior to the wide availability of antibiotics. My son, (Tobias) Werner, is named for him. She lost her father and oldest brother, cousins and her grandparents to either violence, gas, infection or malnutrition in 1940’s Europe. She and her mother fled to the United States when she was a teenager, arriving and working in New York as housekeepers and nannies. They had lost their business and basically all their wealth.

She went to high school and quickly learned English, her native German not helping her fit in. She liked the outdoors, hiking, and she painted scenes that were on display in her home throughout her life. At some point she married Harvey and moved to Nashville. She had my uncle and then my mother a year later. She lost Harvey to complications of multiple sclerosis when my mother was 5 years old. My mother doesn’t remember him being healthy. My grandma took care of her husband prior to his death for years.

She worked very hard. She managed department stores, restaurants, and volunteered long into her retirement. She lived in Huntsville, AL twice. She was married again when my mother was 11 years old to Howard, a really cool guy. He had three sons, so my mother got some step brothers. They enriched my grandma’s life with music and conversation. She and Howard traveled and enjoyed seeing my parents in Arizona, Colorado, and finally Alaska. She survived breast cancer, had a mastectomy in her 50’s. My great grandmother Elsa (for whom my daughter Elysia is named) lived with my grandmother and never really left her until her debilitating late 90’s. She died at age 103. They lived in Manchester, GA for years. Howard died the year I was born. My brother, Daniel Howard, is named for him. One of grandma’s stepsons died a several years back. I loved the house in Manchester. There were blackberry patches nearby and a whimsical kitchen. I saw my first theatrical productions at Calloway Gardens, saw the circus and swam there.

When I was about 11 years old, my grandmother married an engineer, Ernest, and moved back to Huntsville. She got me through an emotional tween summer I had after a loss. She facilitated my Jewish education. I took a trip to Mexico with her and my mom when I was in my early 20’s. Her perspective was grounding when I was often in the clouds. When I lived in Arkansas during medical school; she was my my drama free escape for spring break or Thanksgiving, allowing me the opportunity to reflect and escape my erratic social life. She encouraged my fitness, me to follow my passions, and took pride in me when I achieved my goals. She never told me she was disappointed in my choices, despite my own occasional self doubts. She would listen to me even if she didn’t know what I was talking about when I was excited about something I had discovered.

Ernest died several years ago, leaving my grandmother alone. A couple years ago she broke her femur and subsequently had a series of surgeries for that; a leaky breast implant, and another breast mass on the other side. Her cognition began to decline. There were signs she had suffered strokes. She was no longer able to live unassisted by last summer and was moved to Atlanta to be closer to my uncle. The house in Huntsville was sold. Two weeks ago, she had another massive stroke. She was placed on Hospice care.

My mother is there in Atlanta and was with her last night for Shabbat, sang some familiar prayers to her before she slept. I delivered a beautiful baby girl last night at about the same time Grandma passed. It was the 4th child I had helped this mother bring into the world. The last one had been a stillbirth. Life circles on. My grandmother is why I exist at all, why am am who I am today. Her death is great loss to my family and the world. She never met Tobias, or Daniel’s daughter, Anna, but she loved us all and we all loved her so much. May her memory be a blessing.